Sunday, November 24, 2002
I saw Mom again today. This time she was in her bed. If anything she looked worse than she had on the previous visit. But I quickly discovered the reason for that: she had taken her oxygen tube out. It had obviously been out for some time, as she had a poor grasp on what was going on around her -- for example, I had to tell her that she was in the hospital. She kept asking me repeatedly "what should I do", and in a calming voice I answered that the only thing she had to concentrate on was to get better, and to ensure that she wore her oxygen tubing. She asked me to write that down on a piece of paper as a reminder to her.
While waiting for a cup of tea I was making for her to steep, I went to the nursing station and asked after her condition. She looked up my Mom's charts, and a message from her doctor said that whatever she had in her chest was clearing up, and that she was on the mend. I wouldn't have thought so from looking at her, but I passed that news on to Mom and she was heartened by it.
I showed her some fresh pictures of the kids, this time from Halloween and from the recent snowfall, depicting a couple of happy young girls on toboggan. That also seemed to cheer her up, and as the effects of the oxygen seeped in, she became lucid in bursts. By the end of my visit, she was clearing getting tired again, and thankfully I seemed to have alleviated her vague worries.
She health and mental attitude have both taken a steep slide since she was first admitted to the hospital at the end of summer. My Aunt Audrey asked me whether I thought she had just "given up", and at some level I think that might be true. I don't think she ever made a conscious decision like that, but after looking at Mom, I suspect that decisions like that are not made at the conscious level. If she continues this way, I honestly can't see her lasting much longer.
When I got home I found that Erika and the girls were back from their trip to Cleveland. I was much cheered by them, and ended up playing with the kids for a while before putting them both to bed. Thank god for family.
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