Capt. Mondo's World o' Mondo-ness

And So the Process Begins...
Yesterday I was just thinking about how best to convince my Mother about the need to go into a retirement home. Today I no longer have that need.

I got a call today this morning from a woman who assesses mental health on behalf of the local community health organization. She filled me in on Mom's current state, and I gave her the backstory of how Mom was around last Xmas. We talked about many things -- retirement homes, placings, choices, options available -- but it all boiled down to the fact that she was planning on formally assessing Mom over the course of the day. Five questions is all it takes.

She called me back just before I left work. Mom failed the test. I meet with her on Friday for a formal hearing, but unless Mom's condition suddenly improves, she will have to be placed immediately into a retirement home.

So the process starts...

I'm writing this and I know it hasn't all really hit me yet. I've got Power of Personal Care and of course I'm going to use it for Mom's best interest, which means placing her in a place where she gets constant care.

There, as simple as that.

Yeah right. There's a lump in my stomach, knowing that what's right doesn't always lead to happiness for others. Or for myself. I've got what I wanted -- I want to put her into a retirement home where she can be looked after properly -- but I'd much rather I didn't have to make that decision. At 36 it seems ridiculous to think of myself as "orphaned", yet that's how I feel right now. My Mother is really "gone" from me though she is still lives.

What bugs me is the indefiniteness of all -- here but not here, gone but not gone. And a feeling of loss. Crap.

And here I'm convincing myself that it is all a change for the better, and I know it will be, ultimately. But taking control over another's life -- one that has nurtured you and brought you into this world -- is hard.

It'll be easy to get lost in the work, in the details -- arranging for the eventual move, selling the house, setting up a trust, winding up her affairs, advising relatives, etc etc and more I haven't even thought about yet.

It's been a long day...